For two summers, I worked as a teacher for the Breakthrough Collaborative and lived in the Taos housing cooperative on “the drag” in Austin.  My two summers at Taos got me entangled in many adventures and misadventures with the house full of zany characters that ran the place. One of them spoke some wise words to me  while I was living there, and I was reminded of those words today while seeking dating advice and encouragement from Kevin C. (who also lived at Taos, but did not enjoy it nearly as much as I did). Back in 2003, the Taosian said to me:

“Whenever I find myself dissatisfied or unhappy, it’s often because I am comparing myself to others.”

It is so important to remember that:

1. Everyone is on their own journey in life. You can’t walk someone else’s path and call it your own life.

2. You never know what else people have going on in their lives. (Like: The guy who snagged the hot job you wanted actually has a miserable home life)

3. Comparing yourself to others is fruitless, because there will always be someone who is thinner, stronger, smarter, richer, prettier, and more popular than you. And if you think by chance that you might be Mr. #1 something, there is no accurate way to measure these superlatives anyway, so you’ll never know if you are indeed the strongest man in the world or the fastest hot dog eater in America.

It’s funny how easy it is to get sucked into comparing yourself to other people. In a place like Harvard where everyone has been a superstar in their respective communities, I would exhaust myself trying to measure up to others’ performance or accomplishments–be they professional or personal. Despite the conventional wisdom I know deep inside, I still find myself wondering where in this big, round world my “special guy” is or why I have so much grad school debt when so-and-so doesn’t.

You’re only one person. You only get one life…in this body (just had to cover my bases for the diverse belief systems represented among my readership). Live your own life in the colors, sounds, and textures that suit you.  It’s when we focus on being our best selves that the things we truly want come to us anyway.